No cards for Bill. . .

People are very quick to comment on events. I have had to take the time to absorb my own reactions and process them. It’s hard to see that lights are on in the middle of the day. Not enough contrast. You have to wait for dusk to sink in and show you what the bright of day has hidden from you.

Cosby has been found guilty. There have been tweets wishing him good-bye ( probably not in the kindest manner. . . and rightfully so, I guess. ) I know he was not my attacker, but there were very strong emotional responses that pulled at my own wounds. I was completely expecting to hear the verdict as not guilty. I expected him to walk with a gloating smirk on his face thinking he was still America’s favorite Dad.

I remember holding my breath as I walked into the break room where the news was breaking. I even paused to watch as they were announcing there was going to be a verdict. I had my cigarette and tried to erase faces from my mind with inane smoke pad talk. . . trust me, inane conversation littered with laughter is very therapeutic. I walked back into the break room ten minutes later to see in bold print: “Cosby guilty on three counts.” I don’t know what I expected to feel. What I did feel was an overwhelming sense of relief. Finally, a man in power has been held accountable for his disgusting behavior. Finally, someone has told this man that he doesn’t get to get away with his crimes, yes crimes, and leave a trail of trauma, injury, and insult without payment for those deeds. Yes, this is just one of them. There are many. Many of whose survivors remain silent due to fear of reprisal, insult, and potentially physical harm or death.

I can guess why society blames the survivor. It’s so much easier to think the person who is reporting a heinous deed is lying, crazy, vengeful, mentally unstable etc. rather than think that the person being reported is a monster. No one wants to think that someone the person they care about and trust is a monster hiding in human skin. No one want to think that their judgement is faulty to an extreme.

Well here’s the thing: the deception of other people is not your fault or a reflection, in any way, on you. Yes, most people who commit these sorts of crimes are counting on their public face and appearance to mislead you and to soak in their words as gospel truth. They can indeed be very manipulative as to create a narrative and privately prod their target into public behavior that seems to validate their narrative. What you don’t see is why you don’t get it and at some point society is just going to have to admit to itself that it is not all-seeing or knowing. That maybe, just maybe, there is more there than what meets the eye and that maybe, what meets the eye is all an illusion.

This is why I like the cards. They don’t lie, they don’t beat around bushes, they don’t try to pretty things up, or create ” spin.” They just paint the picture and let you decide what to do about what they say. My cards don’t let me down. I on occasion have thought I had misinterpreted the cards or thought that it couldn’t possible be as bad as all that, but that wasn’t the cards’ doing. It was mine.  So, when people tell me ‘things,’ I listen and let the cards tell me what direction the wind is blowing. I am more likely to hear the truth there than any grapevine investigation.

OK, you’re right, cards are not admissible in court. Don’t care. I don’t work with courts. Hello . . . ? Witch. As you have probably guessed. . . nope. No cards for Bill’s verdict. I sure a HEXES checked out whether he did it or not though.

I understand the reaction of Cosby’s survivors. They have been traumatized repeatedly, first by Bill and then again by public jury and law enforcement circuses, then again through the actual court process. It’s not over for them. There will always be so much more running around in their minds. That sort of thing just never completely goes away. I am glad that there is a sense of closure and vindication for them. It gives me hope that maybe there is finally a glimmering of understanding in the minds of the people who are trying such cases and maybe. . . just maybe the witches can take a break and breathe for a moment.

     I said a moment. . .



Demon Resumes

I am patiently waiting for new moon to trim up my hair. . . my poor split ends have split ends, but I hold out because I am a superstitious sort of woman. I believe that turning your shirt inside out and backward will thwart pursuing, unwanted fae company, throwing spilled salt over your left shoulder will avert bad luck, knocking on wood will keep unwanted ears from interfering with your plans or good luck, and especially in the demon under the bed who will grab your dangling foot and drag you under when it creeps out over the edge . . . EEEEeeek!

I also believe the gods and spirits talk to each other about the things you tell them about your life. They all have relationships with each other and are bound to gab at some point or another. Depending on their relationship with you and each other this can either be very, very good. . . or very, very bad. The thing that brought this close to the forefront of my mind was watching Thor: Ragnarök ( we are not doing get help again. . . . insert flying Loki here.)

I live far from the sea, but it does not stop a spirit whose home is there from dropping in and saying hi. He has shown up several times and considering the method he has chosen to show himself, I would think that when I go looking out for him I should see him easily. Well that’s a big nope. I, at one point in time, kept an eye out for him because I had not heard from him in a while and began to worry . . . yes, I’m one of those. There was literally not a peep from him , not a sign, truck or freight container anywhere to be seen with his picture on it. . . not even a damned seahorse ANYWHERE! Big, fat nope is all I got.

I have been having a certain goetic spirit tapping on my door calling me to go play/ work with him. Actually a couple. After a few weeks of looking them in the eye, and hard at that, I get a visit from none other that my sea spirit friend on the high way. Driving nicely even, escorting me all the way to the exit ramp to my Dr’s office. ( No worries just a check up, promise.)

We all know the reputation of working with those beings, but I suspect something else. . . even the archangels in Solomon’s day were called demon. I’m still digging around for information on the spirit I agreed to start with, but it was pretty amazing when I had a weird panic attack with no discernible source happen I felt pulled to draw on myself with his sigil. . . it wasn’t an immediate effect, but it was steady and lasting. After the sigil went on and after it faded, I saw my familiar sea friend. . . if walking in the right direction is marked with synchronicity, it also makes me wonder what are these beings talking about and why are they in cahoots. . . and yes, I think they are in cahoots.

So, off I go to check out some ” demons” resumes so to speak. I got a job for y’all. . .


Salem Girl’s Bullet Journals

20180405_214620I have PTSD. It’s important to get things out of my head and put them in a form I can see. This is where the bullet journal has been invaluable to me. I tend to do things like forget tasks I can and should be doing because I go round and round in my head like a startled fish in a very small bowl. . . This journal allows me to put down my necessary and desired tasks down on paper in a tangible space and look at it to keep me living a “normal “existence.

Ir’s much more than that. It’s magic. It’s a steady hand, like Baba Yaga’s flying hands: it accomplishes the little minutia of the day and performs the mundane task master schedule.  When my day becomes frantic with obsessive, circular thinking, it’s a map and compass to my life: magical and mundane. It’s also a record of how far I have come, and how much wood to include in my pyre. When those inevitable black days hit, and I know they come, I can pull out my little compass and map of my life so far and see that my anxiety and PTSD are big, fat liars and ride through the moment so much easier. I can hold on to the knowledge that light will indeed hit that horizon again.

Yes, there is magic in my bullet journal. I don’t just put in the little, mundane tasks I must accomplish. I put in the things that make me, well , oddly me. GoO gets watered and my magic herbs thrive. Moon  signs and phases, Mercury’s backward dances, Tarot cards of the day, readings and spreads are documented, random madnesses get recorded along with inspirational quotes and sage advice. I randomly doodle and go back to reflect when ugly shows up. I even record chants, spells and varying workings. . . magic indeed. If the Spanish inquisition shows up unexpectedly, and they are never expected, I would be ever so fucked. Go ahead, hang me like your Salem girls and leave my grave unmarked. . .  I left a space for that.

I started this process about 2 years ago. The thing that I have noticed is the more I get the little things out of my head and make a record of the adulting that needs doing the more I find time and space I can actually do things within. I know what needs to be done, when it should be done and I can focus on it because I have planned a space to do it in. . . It’s literally been a practice. Each day has been built and stacked like stones building a foundation, I have found that if I know I have created a space to do a thing I can focus on just that and not stress on what needs to happen next. I have taken a deeper waters sort of approach and actually purchased a dream journal from Dragon Tree. I’m a little overwhelmed but, I am getting over that. I get better at it all the time and find that my bullet journal skills are improving and as it improves. . . so do I.

If that’s not magic, I don’t know what the hexes is. So, here’s to creating prosecutable evidence to my own witches’ pyre. . . at least I can focus on it!

Read for ugly. . .

readingI, on occasion, get a message from a connection on social media about cases of domestic violence in which they need a bit of help with. I check them out not necessarily because I don’t believe them, but more often than not, they are a relative or a friend whom is close to the survivor. I have seen a few cases where the entirety of the story has not been told or the case was exaggerated by the original teller in hopes of revenge. Every case gets looked at carefully and I always pull out the cards. The cards will tell you things that people won’t or cannot.

I posted a reading earlier today that I think bears some discussion and I hope, that in this post, I can be of assistance to readers in what to look for in a reading concerning domestic violence, or even spot it while reading casually for a querent.

So in this particular reading, we see the Page of Cups, or not so much, covered by the Tower. The Page of Cups tends to be a day dreamer with strong emotions. Beneath this Page of Cups is the King of Wands. When I look at this set up I see that this particular person sees himself as a King . . . a ruler of his realm and bringer of law, order and justice, but it seems that the Tower at the heart of the reading is saying that his form of ‘justice’ is devastating and out of balance with the realities of this person’s situations. It is a very strong possibility that this person has emotional and imbalances of perception and is easily angered if you question his authority. The Chariot inverted speaks that this person has already ‘ridden over’ other people for petty affronts to his authority. It also speaks of violence already committed.

The seven of discs is interesting in this position ( in a sort of morbid manner) because it reveals that this person is aware of the fragile nature of his situation. The way the discs sit on each other remind me of a teeter totter. One that could sway in either direction depending on where the weights fall on the platform. The situation has the potential to be truly unjust and tragic for the people he is threatening. This thought is backed up by the two of discs swaying in flux in the near future. All the right things must be done to make sure the survivor prevails and the abuser be held properly accountable.

I think the main advantage here in this reading is that the toxic sacred king, in this case, is not nearly as clever as he thinks he is, as indicated by the three of discs which is  mostly hidden. This card is only revealing a piercing rose thorn from the sky. The discs are hidden from both the viewer and the person. It is possible he is well thought of and generally excused from ‘occasional bad behavior’ by those who surround him. . . ” oh he had a rough childhood” . . . comes to mind. My experience with rose thorns is that they may be sharp and painful when they stick you, but they are easily plucked out. This toxic sacred king is not nearly as difficult to reveal as the covert nature of some.

Disturbingly, the inverted Druid in the relationship position speaks of a person who abuses power in relationships to gain control and self-satisfaction. His authority is the sort of false egoic kind and is easily threatened. He responds with hostility and violence when this authority is questioned even a little. This places the embattled queen in a very disturbing place. She may be in real danger of further violence resulting in very real tragedy. She is disarmed, trapped, and may even lash out at potential rescuers making the situation not only precarious, but very confusing to onlookers, Regardless of whether she stays or goes, she is in dire straits.

Yes, this was a real reading confirming a case.

Now we get to what to look for in your own work. This is a pretty darn good start:

abuse cards

These cards by themselves are not indicators of domestic violence. In cases of Domestic Violence, these cards stack upon each other pretty heavily though. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  There are also cards that tell a deeper story next to these cards. . . for example the King of Swords inverted with the three of swords near by may inflict pain and sorrow as a means of manipulation, He may even play victim. The inverted Magician abuses power to gain compliance and may even be a gas-lighter. The inverted King of Discs may be withholding resources to trap his prey for continued abuse. This may be confirmed with the possibility of  the 5 of pentacles nearby. The Inverted King of Swords with the inverted seven of  discs is a crafty and covert sort. He is dangerous. He is the sort that lies and can make people believe him. If he is near a seven of cups, he is operating from a place of fear and is also very dangerous. If you see surrounding court cards that do not represent the embattled queen,  be very aware that this person is using others to assist him in his abuse.

As a reader, there may not be a whole lot you can directly do to change the situation for the querent or the situation. You can ask gentle questions to see where the embattled party is coming from and that will give you clues to the levels of awareness and the level of support that can be offered. If you are reading to figure out the situation from a working witch level, you will have the tools and answers within the reading on what if anything should be done. If you are working on this level. . . NEVER FAIL TO READ for ugly before stirring the pot. AND NEVER GO IN ALONE. . . .

Hecate comes to mind. . .