Equinoxes

Everything shifts. Time is literally marked by changes. Equinoxes talk about a balance between darkness and light measured in our skies as the sun travels across our sky, or more accurately as our planet turns in the outer dark. . .  a turn. . . a tilt. . . Everything changes. Shadows grow longer earlier giving us a look at the darkness we carry within if we choose to see.

These darknesses we carry block us in subtle ways that affect our lives profoundly. Often times we move through our own lives without taking the time to examine these things, ignored aspects of our personality that grow within these darknesses until they leap out and surprise us. If we take the time to look at these things for what they are honestly we can learn from these little shadows. I have never been fond of surprises. It may explain my attachment to tarot and cartomancy. I like to keep the little shadows I find while throwing cards fat and happy on tea and cookies while they reveal their secret lives to me.

Mabon is traditionally about celebrating and giving thanks for the things we have harvested in the last year. While yes, giving thanks for the providence provided through the graces of Gods, spirit friends, and your own hard work and will is important to acknowledge, it is equally important to examine what is before you and within you and release the chaff so you have a place to properly store and care for the harvest that you have reaped.

Looking into your own darkened corners is never a fun experience. It requires you to ” adult” *gasp* and accept your part in how those creatures within that darkness came to be. Yes, there are people out there who are perpetual five year olds with no sense responsibility for their actions or the harm their actions cause. However, it at that point in time becomes your responsibility to leave them in their own thorny bed to clean up after themselves. It becomes your responsibility to care enough for yourself to defend yourself and those whom you love. It becomes your responsibility to create a space for you to heal. It becomes your responsibility to understand that you may not have been the problem, you may not be the one who is broken, but you need to make sure that the frequency instilled in you is removed so it cannot perpetuate. It becomes your responsibility to extend to yourself the same kindness and compassion you lay before others.

All of these “adulting” moments can only be brought to you by silence and introspection. An equinox is a great reminder to look at both the light cast upon you and the shadow you cast. I had plans on how I expected my Mabon rite to go. As I said earlier, things shift. I did indeed find chaff to release, instead of marking my harvest as I had planned. I went into Faery expecting to cite these things I was grateful for and instead, came out with another piece of bounty. . . a stone named Choose Love.

I hope that your equinox has been good to you. I hope that there was much to celebrate. Light a candle and allow others to light candles from yours. I promise you, it will not dim your own shine. I promise you, you will not regret it. And, oh yes, if someone tries to put out your candle while lighting from you, it is your responsibility to stop them and curse the holy living f*ck out of them. You may want to give your pieces of darkness a cup of tea and a cookie ,* okay five*, to find the best way to curse them while you are at it. Cards help too.

 

 

The Prickings of Red and White String

brigid_2It’s about this time of year that I start wondering how Brigit snuck up on me. . . again. I don’t know why it does. I have been wearing a daily reminder since Yule on my wrist and seeing it on the wrists of some of my closest every day. That red and white string tied up with wishes for the first sign of spring waiting for the moment my eyes spot spring for the first time. In the back of my mind, I keep debating which tree will hold my spring wishes still. I guess it will be a thing I will know when I see it.

I think the cold keeps my thoughts moved toward the Auld Woman. I don’t begrudge Her her blanket of cold, it’s her thing. I’m just very vocal about my not liking being cold. I prefer to be flash frozen so I can’t feel it. I’m not sure I look forward to thawing, often times thawing is like the pin prick sensation you get when your foot has fallen asleep and blood begins to flow back in. You know its a good and healthy sign that vitality is returning ( I think I heard you cringe,) but the discomfort of the moment drives you to places you don’t really want to exist. Brigit is like that for me.

Brigit forces me to look at things in my life and ask: what do I need? It takes me to a time when my needs could not be filled, so I stopped asking. I suppose I forgot how to answer the question. What do I need? What do I want? What will make me thrive and grow?

universeMy sister visited over the Yule holiday season. I think me being satisfied with just being and breathing because I have to seriously annoys her. I think she remembers a person I don’t. I think she’s getting ready to send in the Marines and dig through the rubble to find her. Not a chore I want her to embark upon (she’ll not be nice ) so I had better let some of that permafrost sit in the sunshine for a while and endure the pin pricks of waking up from under the comfort of the Auld Woman’s cloak. My sister left one more gift for me after everything was unwrapped and doted over. I had come home from work with my mom was trying to hand me money. I rolled my eyes and declined. . . there is no way in the world I am taking money from my mom, no way in Hades was that going to happen. I was even more determined when she announced it was from my sister. My mom was having none of it and told me it wasn’t money, but a message. I looked closer, she was right. At first, I think I was rankled because of a hard conversation my sister and I had and annoyed she would sacrifice money to deliver this message. *pin pricks*

I have no idea how to be okay letting the permafrost slide into the warmth of light. I never feel okay with the prickings of waking and crawling out from the covers. I can hear my Mom say: baby steps. I think the first thing to do is to start breaking the silence with music. It’s been gone too long. Who knows, maybe I’ll accidentally dance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pwB_m__qzzo

In the mean time, I know the rites by heart. Maybe the things I should be waking up this spring will finally answer the questions I have been dancing away from: what do I want? what do I need? I think I need to borrow Brigid’s fire. My little string of red and white still waits for a tree.martinitsi

Blessings of fire and light to you and yours this Brigit, most of you will call it Candlemas or Imbolc, but I am Feri. I can hear the Descent of Brigit roll through my mind and the striking of fire. . . I wonder when I’ll catch.

A long night’s vigil

The altar was set up and ready for devotion long before the sun began to make his descent in the sky. A shoe with a parchment wrapped in red ribbon in it, on it hopes, wishes, and desires along with thanks for the previous year’s blessings. Yes, there have been some as ugly as 2014 has been and I am grateful for those blessings.

You can plan a solitary ritual as much as you want, script it, write it out, and run it through your mind as much as you want, but the hands of the unseen tend to move you as they see fit in spite of all of your well laid plans. I did have the core of everything I wished to do performed however, there were things inspired that I am in serious doubt I could reproduce. I planned on devoting just St. Nicholas. That is not what happened. St. Nicholas did get honored in fine fashion, but after him a parade of Feri and ancestral Gods bounded about the Yule altar all calling my name and pulling from my soul songs that even now the tunes fade away. I promised a long night’s vigil. The unseen took that seriously.

There were quiet moments watching the candle flame flicker on it’s wick. It was during these moments where work was placed before me. I was shown the iron and pearl pentacle as one. A pearl star with iron at it’s core. It cracked and broke and all the pearl peeled away in flashing chips and flakes, the words start again echoed in my ears. Red hot iron in the shape of a star with mangled points flashed in my head and I knew that in order for the pearl to straight the iron had to be right first. Pearl forms in layers, a continuing process of coating and growth; patience and vigilance are required here. A thing I now know to point out to my students: work iron first. It is your strength, your core. While I type this a Fremen proverb crosses my thoughts: Wisdom comes from the desert, polish from the city. What is the point in polishing a mangled piece of iron???

At one point in time while keeping quiet vigil, the litany against fear cropped up: I must not fear. . . It kept rolling through my head and did not stop until it spilled from my lips. There was a tightness in my gut that I noticed as I was saying this litany. The unseen whispered to consciously let it go. I was holding fear in place instead of permitting it to roll through me and leave. It washed through in a cascade of ice then a warmth took its place as began to breathe deeply again. I didn’t notice how shallow and tight my breath had become.

During my last night’s vigil, after all the work put before me was done, I was shown other shoes with other scrolls. An omen of good things to come? Maybe so, but for now, it’s all about reshaping hot iron before coating it with pearl again.